GAR GAR

by GAR GAR

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Clean Nice Quiet
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Clean Nice Quiet The only swamp mutant music worth listening to backwards AND forwards! Favorite track: King Cake Baby.
joel-harrison
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joel-harrison Gar Gar unabashedly addresses numerous genres, all while sounding distinctly like himself, and nothing, I mean NOTHING compares to his live shows. I've never had so much fun listening to a record... this album sounds like Thor the god of thunder tea-bagging the world! Favorite track: Meximelt666.
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    Gar Gar is the gator-headed psychopunkabilly savior promised in the first draft of the Bible. Imagine GG Allin and Teri Garr had a mutant swamp baby, which then ate them and went on tour in a Frankenstein mail truck with a rag-tag band of inanimate objects. If you can actually imagine that, then you're weird. Weird enough for Gar Gar to come into your life and EAT YOU, TOO!.

    20-ish punk rock micro anthems, that on a per-song basis, add up to a fiscally responsible record-buying experience. Oh, plus it's totally on colored vinyl, increasing its resale value for when you need more beer. What have you got to lose? Except for your life!

    Gar Gar: it's like having a pet gator devouring you in the comfort of your own living room.

    Includes unlimited streaming of GAR GAR via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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credits

released March 10, 2016

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GAR GAR Monroe, Louisiana

Gar Gar is the gator-headed savior promised in the first draft of the Bible. Imagine GG Allin and Teri Garr had a mutant swamp baby, which then ate them and went on tour in a Frankenstein mail truck with a rag-tag band of inanimate objects. If you can actually imagine that, then you're weird. Weird enough for Gar Gar to come into your life and EAT YOU, TOO!. ... more

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Track Name: craigslist
Hey!
I saw your dick on craigslist
I'm tellin' tellin' telling mom
That your shit
is on the Internet
You better get it off of craiglist
before Dad gets home tonight!

You wanna hook up, not a date
Say anything to get your way
Say you work out four times a week
But we know your just a fink

I saw your dick on craigslist

You're gonna get it

Its not a little thing
Track Name: Psycho Billy
Got my jorts
Don't need no shirt
Cowboy hat on
Its time to walk

I'm Psycho Billy
I don't give a damn
Played soccer for Mexico
Never been to Nam
I'm Tom Cruise's son
MMA fighter
Right from Angola
Monroe's favorite dancer
Hey!

Psycho Billy
I'm Psycho Billy
Psycho Billy

Lookout
Lookout
Lookout!
Track Name: King Cake Baby
There she was when I bit into my King Cake
She had purple sugar smeared across her face
Glad I noticed her, didn’t swallow her down
Now I’m in Love with my King Cake Baby

Maybe it’s the sugar high
Maybe it’s the diabetes
She doesn’t breath but
She send chills right through me

I’m in love
With my King Cake Baby

Having some drinks
Threw back a hurricane or four
Dancing with my girl
Cutting up the floor
Turned up WWOZ
Because it was playing the Mambo

Maybe it’s the sugar high
Maybe it’s the diabetes
I’m not quite sure but
my baby’s lookin’ hazy
She needed to lay down
So I made her a cake
Nestled her in it
And she fell right to sleep

I’m in love with my King Cake Baby
Track Name: Necrotizing Fasciitis
He was Jeff Hanneman
He wrote all the best songs man
He was Slayer's punk
Turns out he was quite a drunk

Slayer!
Slayer!

He was a Raider's fan
But we don't hold it against him, man
He was way cooler than Kerry King
Just fuckin' shredded,
not being center ring

Enter to the Realm of Satan!

Death the Slayer way
Burning flesh dripping away
Necrotizing Fasciitis
Hell is not far away
A spider bite on his picking arm
Alcohol and his liver is undone

Slayer!

Oh...
Track Name: The Witch
Theres an evil witch in Union Parish
she has no soul and might eat you children
You'll never know when she might appear
Take one look at her face and you'll be frozen in fear
Her brain is a bubbling cauldron of nothing nice
She'll make sure you are miserable your entire life
The devil maybe in Calhoun, but he's no match
The witch of Union Parish won’t leave you unscratched
She'll make your head spin, fill you with stench
have you doubled over and your house a wreck
Beware!
Track Name: Just 1 Drink
I'll have a well whiskey and coke please
Black and tan
Can I get a white Russian, dude?
A scotch, neat
Long Island ice tea
Do you make a good cosmopolitan?
Irish car bomb
Gin and tonic
If its not too much trouble,
can I have a margarita please?
Jagermeister
Tequila sunrise
Spiced rum
Absinthe
Chartreuse
Fucking Vermouth

Last Call!

Can I have one more drink please?
Please don't cut me off.

You're cut off!
Go home.
Track Name: Meximelt666
I had a Doritos taco
with a Baja Blast
I started to see crazy things
Colonel, Colonel Sanders
Please help me
I need some mashed potatoes

My life flashed
in front of my eyes

Fire sauce
Fire sauce

All I wanted was a Meximelt
but they wouldn't give it to me
All I wanted was a Meximelt
but she wouldn't give it to me
Just one Meximelt

It doesn't matter...
I'll probably get hit by a taco truck anyways
Track Name: Big Head
I've got a big 'ol head
For my big 'ol brain
It bobbles all around
while I think about things
Look at your small head
With that tiny little face
I'm thinking about all the stuff
You can't

Big head

Me and my big head
walking down the street
Suddenly it started to shrink
got hit by a bird's beak
Look at your huge head
With that big 'ol face
I'm thinking about everything you can't
Track Name: Skully da Drummer
This next song is about our drummer Skully
He’s a bad dude
Let’s rock!

He was about to take a bath
After a hard day at work
A neighbor’s scream sent him running
He didn’t think at all
He ran naked down the hall
He entered the room
Tripped and fell right onto a woman
That’s when her husband came in
Skully had her pinned
The husband wanted to destroy
He wanted to destroy!

Run Skully!

Skully jumped up as the big man came lumbering after him
Skully and the wife tried to explain desperately but the husband had murder on his mind
Skully was small and fast though and the man couldn’t catch him so he began cursing Skully, cursing frantic crazy ramblings about a life worse than death, a death that somehow still lived and having to play in a shitty punk rock band for all eternity.

Skully ran super fast
Away from the crazed man
Around and around the apartment
He wanted Skully destroyed
He made a wrong turn and fell down an elevator shaft
Skully fell to his demise
He was cursed at death
Now he can’t be destroyed
Now he can’t be destroyed

So buy him a drink
Track Name: Mutant
I am what
You will be

You neanderthals
dont stand a chance

With your little eyes
and your tiny teeth

You will sonon be
forced to adapt

UV and laser rays

Toxic Holocaust
and Nuclear waste


I’m a mutant


When the iPhones screens go blank

and the aliens start their attack

You will o longer laugh at me

You will wish that I had your back

When the radiation takes hold

Your eyeballs will swim in your face


I’m a mutnat


Adapt

Evolve


When the war is over
and a few of you humans remain

they will remember
Everyone will champion my name

They’ll name their walleyed
big-toothed children after the

war hero GAR GAR

who saved the day!


I’m a mutant
Track Name: Ouachita
What!
What's going on?
I'm lost down here at
Fred's of McDonals
In a town with nothing to do
better watch out they are after you

Ouachita
I dont wanna go there
Ouachita
It smells like a fart
Ouachita
Its got those duck people
Ouachita
Its got 6 Walmarts

Wendys or McDonalds
Cane's or BK Lounge
Holy shit
we gotta a Whattaburger now

Ouachita
I dont wanna go there
Ouachita
It smells like a fart
Ouachita
Its got those lame duck people
Ouachita
Its got 7 Walmarts

Ouachita
I dont wanna go there
Ouachita
It smells like a fart
Ouachita
Its got those lame duck people
Ouachita
Its got 8 Walmarts

I dont hunt
Cant even fish
If your not aware I'm not of here
Stuck for now what can you do
drink so beer and write some tunes

Ouachita
Track Name: Lady Gar Gar
I miss her bad
My Lady Gar Gar
She's at home
while I'm off to another dive bar rodeo

I'm just a Gar
But I have a heart
It belongs to a lady
who keeps me warm at night
just when things start to suck
she always makes them right
Maybe this won't make her feel
So alone when she's at home at night

I miss her bad
My Lady Gar Gar
She's at home
while Im headed off to another dive bar rodeo
She's in my heart
while I rock n roll
Lady Gar Gar
Please don't feel so alone
I'll be headed home soon
so we can ride our bikes
drunk under the moon light
I miss her so bad
Lady Gar Gar
Track Name: Walleyed
You know...
When I look down and around at this crazy world
I just soak it all in, and ponder the big questions
Then I say to myself, I sure like living up here in this tree
I don't think I'm ever going to come down.

Sure it gets a little cold in the winter
A little warm in the summer
but jeez
just look at that kid over there peeing
on that other kids head
Or say that squirrel that just gnawed that dogs face off

I don't think I need that kind of thing in my life

Its a walleyed world x5
WallEyed

Sometimes it does get a bit lonely
I think there might be someone out there for me
This branch IS pretty wide... and there is that branch right over there next to me
But I heard Mojo hooked up with Debbie Gibson
and Justin Beiber got those bad tattoos, so I dunno...
Track Name: Chloe
My coned cat is on Prozac
She’s as mean as hell
My coned cat is on Prozac
Don’t look into her Siouxsie Sioux eyes
Or she will eat your face
Track Name: Stinky
New york City
Cold and Gritty
Gutter punk
he really stunk
not very bright
but super nice
His name was Stinky
Liked his drink
He didnt know
he was on the brink

One day Stinky looked at me while ddrinking Mad Dog 20/20 in the park
and he said, you know what Mad Dog spelled backwards is? and
I was all no? what? and he said
GoddamnGoddamnGoddamnGoddamnGoddamnGoddamnGoddamnGoddamnGoddamn

Fat city
Hot and shitty
Fresh in town
Newest clowns around
Saw him spange
His clothes had changed
Suit and tie
with a pork pie
Same Stink mixed with drink
Gave me a smile
Crazy twinkle in his eye

Sometimes you have to cry to keep from laughing

This one time
Stinky looked at me while we were drinking Night Train in the park
and he said blardgfjasdgsfgdfgdfhfsuifadaaah
And I was like what?
And he said Good Night Train!
and fell asleep

Frisco city
Young and pretty
Stinky was drunk
worse than a skunk
walked down Haight
stumbled to his fate
Just his luck
he got hit by a garbage truck

Sometimes you have to cry to keep from laughing
Track Name: Salty Humans
I am hungry
I want to eat

I am crazed
Out of my mind
Been up for 6 days
on salts from Cloud 9.
Eat your hand
Eat your leg
Eat your foot
Eat your face
You look delicious
come here for a second
Track Name: Let's Go
Nothing to do
Nowhere to go
Put me in a wheelchair
Take me to the show
Hurry hurry hurry
before I go loco
an’t control my fingers
Can’t control my toes
oh no
Let's go
drink our faces off
and throw em out the door
Get the music cranked up
til we cant take any more
I've got some Old Crow
and a six pack of Shlitz
Lets sit here and get wasted
and then go start some shit
Lets go to the show and have a blast
We'll hop to the Spits
and slam to Leftover Crack
Lets get some more drinks
we sweated out the last
We'll get some tacos later
but let's go watch Iron Reagan man

I’m a human guy
Its spelled G-U-Y
I get buzz buzz buzzed
And it’s just because
I’m a human guy
And I don’t know why
Track Name: Bitchin' Mail Truck (feat. Lady Gar Gar)
Bitchin' mail truck Bitchin' mail truck
I ran over my neighbors
BMT BMT
Now I'm in all the papers

My folks bought me a bitchin mail truck
with no insurance to match
So if I run you over
please dont leave a scratch

I ran over some old lady
one night at the county fair
I didn't get arrested
Cause my Dad's the mayor

Bitchin' mail truck Bitchin' mail truck
Donuts on your lawn
Bitchin' mail truck Bitchin' mail truck
Slayer and Elton John

When I drive past the kids
they all spit and cuss
Cause I got a bitchin mail truck
and they gotta ride the bus

so you better get outta my way
when I come through your yard
Cause I gotta a bitchin mail truck
and an Exxon credit card

Bitchin' mail truck Bitchin' mail truck
Hey man where you headed?
Bitchin' mail truck Bitchin' mail truck
I'm drunk on unleaded
Track Name: Forsythe Swamp Ensemble
Mmmmaaaaaaaaahhhp!