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GAR GAR

by GAR GAR

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Clean Nice Quiet
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Clean Nice Quiet The only swamp mutant music worth listening to backwards AND forwards! Favorite track: King Cake Baby.
joel-harrison
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joel-harrison Gar Gar unabashedly addresses numerous genres, all while sounding distinctly like himself, and nothing, I mean NOTHING compares to his live shows. I've never had so much fun listening to a record... this album sounds like Thor the god of thunder tea-bagging the world! Favorite track: Meximelt666.
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  • Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    Gar Gar is the gator-headed psychopunkabilly savior promised in the first draft of the Bible. Imagine GG Allin and Teri Garr had a mutant swamp baby, which then ate them and went on tour in a Frankenstein mail truck with a rag-tag band of inanimate objects. If you can actually imagine that, then you're weird. Weird enough for Gar Gar to come into your life and EAT YOU, TOO!.

    20-ish punk rock micro anthems, that on a per-song basis, add up to a fiscally responsible record-buying experience. Oh, plus it's totally on colored vinyl, increasing its resale value for when you need more beer. What have you got to lose? Except for your life!

    Gar Gar: it's like having a pet gator devouring you in the comfort of your own living room.

    Includes unlimited streaming of GAR GAR via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 4 days

      $16 USD or more 

     

  • Cassette + Digital Album

    All the songs from the LP and EP vinyl smashed onto an audio cassette!

    Includes unlimited streaming of GAR GAR via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

      $5 USD or more 

     

1.
Intro 01:39
2.
craigslist 01:28
Hey! I saw your dick on craigslist I'm tellin' tellin' telling mom That your shit is on the Internet You better get it off of craiglist before Dad gets home tonight! You wanna hook up, not a date Say anything to get your way Say you work out four times a week But we know your just a fink I saw your dick on craigslist You're gonna get it Its not a little thing
3.
Psycho Billy 01:32
Got my jorts Don't need no shirt Cowboy hat on Its time to walk I'm Psycho Billy I don't give a damn Played soccer for Mexico Never been to Nam I'm Tom Cruise's son MMA fighter Right from Angola Monroe's favorite dancer Hey! Psycho Billy I'm Psycho Billy Psycho Billy Lookout Lookout Lookout!
4.
There she was when I bit into my King Cake She had purple sugar smeared across her face Glad I noticed her, didn’t swallow her down Now I’m in Love with my King Cake Baby Maybe it’s the sugar high Maybe it’s the diabetes She doesn’t breath but She send chills right through me I’m in love With my King Cake Baby Having some drinks Threw back a hurricane or four Dancing with my girl Cutting up the floor Turned up WWOZ Because it was playing the Mambo Maybe it’s the sugar high Maybe it’s the diabetes I’m not quite sure but my baby’s lookin’ hazy She needed to lay down So I made her a cake Nestled her in it And she fell right to sleep I’m in love with my King Cake Baby
5.
He was Jeff Hanneman He wrote all the best songs man He was Slayer's punk Turns out he was quite a drunk Slayer! Slayer! He was a Raider's fan But we don't hold it against him, man He was way cooler than Kerry King Just fuckin' shredded, not being center ring Enter to the Realm of Satan! Death the Slayer way Burning flesh dripping away Necrotizing Fasciitis Hell is not far away A spider bite on his picking arm Alcohol and his liver is undone Slayer! Oh...
6.
The Witch 03:17
Theres an evil witch in Union Parish she has no soul and might eat you children You'll never know when she might appear Take one look at her face and you'll be frozen in fear Her brain is a bubbling cauldron of nothing nice She'll make sure you are miserable your entire life The devil maybe in Calhoun, but he's no match The witch of Union Parish won’t leave you unscratched She'll make your head spin, fill you with stench have you doubled over and your house a wreck Beware!
7.
Just 1 Drink 02:51
I'll have a well whiskey and coke please Black and tan Can I get a white Russian, dude? A scotch, neat Long Island ice tea Do you make a good cosmopolitan? Irish car bomb Gin and tonic If its not too much trouble, can I have a margarita please? Jagermeister Tequila sunrise Spiced rum Absinthe Chartreuse Fucking Vermouth Last Call! Can I have one more drink please? Please don't cut me off. You're cut off! Go home.
8.
Meximelt666 01:59
I had a Doritos taco with a Baja Blast I started to see crazy things Colonel, Colonel Sanders Please help me I need some mashed potatoes My life flashed in front of my eyes Fire sauce Fire sauce All I wanted was a Meximelt but they wouldn't give it to me All I wanted was a Meximelt but she wouldn't give it to me Just one Meximelt It doesn't matter... I'll probably get hit by a taco truck anyways
9.
Big Head 01:39
I've got a big 'ol head For my big 'ol brain It bobbles all around while I think about things Look at your small head With that tiny little face I'm thinking about all the stuff You can't Big head Me and my big head walking down the street Suddenly it started to shrink got hit by a bird's beak Look at your huge head With that big 'ol face I'm thinking about everything you can't
10.
This next song is about our drummer Skully He’s a bad dude Let’s rock! He was about to take a bath After a hard day at work A neighbor’s scream sent him running He didn’t think at all He ran naked down the hall He entered the room Tripped and fell right onto a woman That’s when her husband came in Skully had her pinned The husband wanted to destroy He wanted to destroy! Run Skully! Skully jumped up as the big man came lumbering after him Skully and the wife tried to explain desperately but the husband had murder on his mind Skully was small and fast though and the man couldn’t catch him so he began cursing Skully, cursing frantic crazy ramblings about a life worse than death, a death that somehow still lived and having to play in a shitty punk rock band for all eternity. Skully ran super fast Away from the crazed man Around and around the apartment He wanted Skully destroyed He made a wrong turn and fell down an elevator shaft Skully fell to his demise He was cursed at death Now he can’t be destroyed Now he can’t be destroyed So buy him a drink
11.
Mutant 02:51
I am what You will be You neanderthals dont stand a chance With your little eyes and your tiny teeth You will sonon be forced to adapt UV and laser rays Toxic Holocaust and Nuclear waste I’m a mutant When the iPhones screens go blank and the aliens start their attack You will o longer laugh at me You will wish that I had your back When the radiation takes hold Your eyeballs will swim in your face I’m a mutnat Adapt Evolve When the war is over and a few of you humans remain they will remember Everyone will champion my name They’ll name their walleyed big-toothed children after the war hero GAR GAR who saved the day! I’m a mutant
12.
Ouachita 02:33
What! What's going on? I'm lost down here at Fred's of McDonals In a town with nothing to do better watch out they are after you Ouachita I dont wanna go there Ouachita It smells like a fart Ouachita Its got those duck people Ouachita Its got 6 Walmarts Wendys or McDonalds Cane's or BK Lounge Holy shit we gotta a Whattaburger now Ouachita I dont wanna go there Ouachita It smells like a fart Ouachita Its got those lame duck people Ouachita Its got 7 Walmarts Ouachita I dont wanna go there Ouachita It smells like a fart Ouachita Its got those lame duck people Ouachita Its got 8 Walmarts I dont hunt Cant even fish If your not aware I'm not of here Stuck for now what can you do drink so beer and write some tunes Ouachita
13.
Lady Gar Gar 02:20
I miss her bad My Lady Gar Gar She's at home while I'm off to another dive bar rodeo I'm just a Gar But I have a heart It belongs to a lady who keeps me warm at night just when things start to suck she always makes them right Maybe this won't make her feel So alone when she's at home at night I miss her bad My Lady Gar Gar She's at home while Im headed off to another dive bar rodeo She's in my heart while I rock n roll Lady Gar Gar Please don't feel so alone I'll be headed home soon so we can ride our bikes drunk under the moon light I miss her so bad Lady Gar Gar
14.
Walleyed 02:15
You know... When I look down and around at this crazy world I just soak it all in, and ponder the big questions Then I say to myself, I sure like living up here in this tree I don't think I'm ever going to come down. Sure it gets a little cold in the winter A little warm in the summer but jeez just look at that kid over there peeing on that other kids head Or say that squirrel that just gnawed that dogs face off I don't think I need that kind of thing in my life Its a walleyed world x5 WallEyed Sometimes it does get a bit lonely I think there might be someone out there for me This branch IS pretty wide... and there is that branch right over there next to me But I heard Mojo Nixon already hooked up with Debbie Gibson so maybe I should just be happy With what I got.
15.
Chloe 02:27
My coned cat is on Prozac She’s as mean as hell My coned cat is on Prozac Don’t look into her Siouxsie Sioux eyes Or she will eat your face
16.
Stinky 02:28
New york City Cold and Gritty Gutter punk he really stunk not very bright but super nice His name was Stinky Liked his drink He didnt know he was on the brink One day Stinky looked at me while ddrinking Mad Dog 20/20 in the park and he said, you know what Mad Dog spelled backwards is? and I was all no? what? and he said GoddamnGoddamnGoddamnGoddamnGoddamnGoddamnGoddamnGoddamnGoddamn Fat city Hot and shitty Fresh in town Newest clowns around Saw him spange His clothes had changed Suit and tie with a pork pie Same Stink mixed with drink Gave me a smile Crazy twinkle in his eye Sometimes you have to cry to keep from laughing This one time Stinky looked at me while we were drinking Night Train in the park and he said blardgfjasdgsfgdfgdfhfsuifadaaah And I was like what? And he said Good Night Train! and fell asleep Frisco city Young and pretty Stinky was drunk worse than a skunk walked down Haight stumbled to his fate Just his luck he got hit by a garbage truck Sometimes you have to cry to keep from laughing
17.
Salty Humans 01:51
I am hungry I want to eat I am crazed Out of my mind Been up for 6 days on salts from Cloud 9. Eat your hand Eat your leg Eat your foot Eat your face You look delicious come here for a second
18.
Let's Go 01:35
Nothing to do Nowhere to go Put me in a wheelchair Take me to the show Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco an’t control my fingers Can’t control my toes oh no Let's go drink our faces off and throw em out the door Get the music cranked up til we cant take any more I've got some Old Crow and a six pack of Shlitz Lets sit here and get wasted and then go start some shit Lets go to the show and have a blast We'll hop to the Spits and slam to Leftover Crack Lets get some more drinks we sweated out the last We'll get some tacos later but let's go watch Iron Reagan man I’m a human guy Its spelled G-U-Y I get buzz buzz buzzed And it’s just because I’m a human guy And I don’t know why
19.
Bitchin' mail truck Bitchin' mail truck I ran over my neighbors BMT BMT Now I'm in all the papers My folks bought me a bitchin mail truck with no insurance to match So if I run you over please dont leave a scratch I ran over some old lady one night at the county fair I didn't get arrested Cause my Dad's the mayor Bitchin' mail truck Bitchin' mail truck Donuts on your lawn Bitchin' mail truck Bitchin' mail truck Slayer and Elton John When I drive past the kids they all spit and cuss Cause I got a bitchin mail truck and they gotta ride the bus so you better get outta my way when I come through your yard Cause I gotta a bitchin mail truck and an Exxon credit card Bitchin' mail truck Bitchin' mail truck Hey man where you headed? Bitchin' mail truck Bitchin' mail truck I'm drunk on unleaded
20.
Mmmmaaaaaaaaahhhp!

credits

released March 10, 2016

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GAR GAR Portland, Oregon

Gar Gar is the gator-headed savior promised in the first draft of the Bible. Imagine GG Allin and Teri Garr had a mutant swamp baby, which then ate them and went on tour in a Frankenstein mail truck with a rag-tag band of inanimate objects. If you can actually imagine that, then you're weird. Weird enough for Gar Gar to come into your life and EAT YOU, TOO!. ... more

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